What's in your mailbox?

(The following is an open letter--nay, an open piece of junk mail--to Capital One)

Dear Capital One,

Stop sending me junk mail. It seems that every time I check the mail, there it is. The same old sales pitch you always send, packaged up in some different form. The last one you sent came inside an official-looking manila envelope. I think the one before was designed to look like like a pair of airline tickets. But at its core, it's always been that same credit card application form that I've never filled out, and never will.

I understand that from time to time companies feel the need to send out direct mail. I can deal with the occasional mailer. But with you, Capital One, it's a constant bombardment. When I think of how much time I've wasted shredding your application form, and recycling the rest of the crap in the envelop, I get annoyed. When I think of how many trees you've destroyed in your futile attempt to woo me, and thousands like me, I get pissed off.

But I must admit that when I try to imagine your thought process, I get amused. Do you really think that after discarding tens--maybe hundreds--of your mailers, that at one point I'll finally break down and fill out an application? Do you imagine my getting so excited at one of your designs ("I didn't like the piece that simulated an official government form, but wow! the one that looked like a passport really sold me!) that I'd drop everything and apply? And if so, is that really the kind of customer you want?

Regardless of your rationale, please stop. Otherwise, I'm going to start returning the favor by sending you mailings, very thinly disguised as shredded credit card application forms wrapped in your prepaid return envelope.